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The scatter brain

   When I was a little girl, I had so many plans for myself. My imagination spread like wild fire, as I didn’t allow myself to see any obstacles. I wanted to be a doctor, a performer, a teacher, an astronaut… You name it, I dreamed of being it. I always wanted to be a good person, be kind and helpful. I didn’t allow obstacles and unrealistic thinking get to me when I was a child. However, as I grew older, the imagination, and the desire to become who I wanted to be slowly faded, because I thought that my lack of knowing what I wanted to do defined me as a lost soul, or just plain stupid. 

   I was an easily distracted student to say the least. I was extremely passionate about some classes, and outrageously unmotivated by some classes. In high school, everyone’s priorities to become exactly what they imagined themselves as escalated, and mine somehow shrunk. While everyone was picking their universities and future careers, I was a lost puppy. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life, and I hated myself for that. 

   We have this way that we are somewhat programmed into thinking that we have a certain amount of time to make something out of ourselves. The idea is that if you aren’t successful in high school, chances are you will not go places. Reality is, that’s bogus. We compare our measures of success to others, and build these barriers around ourselves with such negativity, that we tend to lose those little dreams we had when we were children. I had a moment in my life where giving up seemed inevitable, and that I wasn’t cut out to achieve the things that I wish I could. I thought I was dumb, and I thought other people thought I was dumb. 

    Truth is, I am 23, and sure I have a lot of ideas and inspirations of what I want to become, but nothing is fully certain, and that’s fine. I looked back to the younger me, and wish that if I could have just turned back time, maybe I could change the way I was, and become the “successful” person I always wanted to be. However, I wouldn’t change a damn thing. 

   My scatter brain is what makes me, me. As frustrating as it can be to me and others around me, I wouldn’t take it back if I could. Those random thoughts led me where I am now. Why do we teach kids that if they think differently than other kids, you need more help achieving certain things? I never had a mind that was organized, and I never had the ability to focus all of my thoughts and attention to one thing, so why should I have to change that? 

   What makes the human species fascinating is our ability to think for ourselves, and use our brains for advanced thinking. I hate being told that because I have a mind that is trying to process a hundred things at once, that it’s a bad thing. Because of the way I thought about things, I felt like I needed to change to be similar to all of those people that had their life planned out, and that is simply not true. 

   So thank you, brain. Thank you for constantly imagining possibilities. Thank you little me for not wanting to devote my time to my future outcome. Thank you, scatter brain. Who the hell knows where I will be years from now, but I won’t give up on my imagination and assume that because I haven’t planned anything, that I am a failure. At the end of the day, we have one body, one brain, and endless possibilities. 

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